Film review: Doom

Nov 25

universalheadMovies and TV 14 Comments

Doom

Really, really really bad.

Half a BFG out of five.

14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jedimacfan
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 01:19:58

    Heh. I’ve always wondered why Hollywood wants to make movies of bestselling games, but only if they change everything about the story of the bestselling game. No martians? No Hell? No thanks.

  2. anaglyph
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 12:59:14

    Really bad, huh? Man, and I had such high expectations. So they lost all the pathos from the game, eh? They didn’t manage to get the Fraserian subtext in? No Nietszchean scaffold with a subtly sophisticated yet boldly intertwined Jungian uber-commentary?
    Christ I hope they get it right with Tetris when they bring it to the screen (I hear Stoppard’s doing the script).

  3. jedimacfan
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 13:44:45

    Nothing will be as good as “Peter Jackson’s PING PONG”.

  4. anaglyph
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 15:39:18

    Um, and, you know, I’m sure you’re not insane or anything, but why have you got this classified under ‘Music’. Did it addle your brain that much?

  5. UniversalHead
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 15:53:44

    jedimacfan: Hello sir, dropping by via the Cow I assume? You’re most welcome. Yes, I was wondering about that too, considering the only interesting concept in the entire Doom series is the one that scientists have opened a portal to Hell. Hell, I could have built a few good story ideas around that idea in an afternoon. Perhaps the scriptwriters thought that all possible facets had already been explored in another dog of a movie, Event Horizon. Or perhaps they feared a backlash from the religious right.
    Anaglyph: You may well scoff Mr. A, but computer game-to-film adaptations have a long and respected pedigree. Just take for example, Super Mario Bros. Tomb Raider. Alone in the Dark. Ummm … yep. But never let it be said Hollywood will stop flogging a dead horse—just hold onto them for Bloodrayne (check out the hilariously bad trailer—Ben Kingsley, surely the kid’s education can’t be that expensive?
    Of course, I can hardly cast aspersions. I did pay good money to go see Doom, after all.
    Yes—umm, yes, films—hmmm. It was late. My brain had just been systematically mushed. Hence erudite review.

  6. jedimacfan
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 15:54:07

    I heard the Imps singing the main title is a good track from the score. They wanted Sissel, but she turned them down. Apparently she wanted a break after touring with Howard Shore and doing the whole LOTR symphony thing.

  7. UniversalHead
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 15:59:46

    I had to look her up. I think that homepage photo told me everything I need to know.

  8. jedimacfan
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 16:02:29

    UH: Thanks for the welcome, and yes I did venture forth from the pasture of the Cow. Please allow me to take this opportunity to say that your layout for this site is my favorite customized blog that I have seen. I envy every little detail, right down to the dog-eared corner to the seamless tiles of textured parchment.
    Secondly, Bloodrayne was such a horrid game that I re-shrinkwrapped it and returned it because it was so awful. Unfortunately, I have seen the trailer and it does look terrible.
    But there is hope for one game-to-movie film! I mentioned to anaglyph earlier that Peter Jackson is the exec producer for HALO. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, especially if WETA does the special effects for it.

  9. jedimacfan
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 16:04:11

    Her voice is actually nicer than her web page. You’ve probably heard her before and just don’t know it. She did the vocals for TITANIC. (Not to be confused with the horrible Celine Dion.)

  10. UniversalHead
    Nov 26, 2005 @ 16:09:58

    Many thanks, glad you like the place. I must clean up a little, I’ve been neglecting it (eg I just noticed the ‘Thankyou for your comment’ page is a little weird.)
    Yes, I’ll be keeping an eye on Halo— though I wonder if ‘executive producer’ isn’t just another way of saying “come and make your extremely expensive movie at my studio and effects shop why don’t you” and he may have no say in the making of it at all.
    And as for the Kong—well, that shot in the trailer where he swats the biplane out of the air really does it for me. Can hardly wait.
    You all come back now y’hear!

  11. UniversalHead
    Nov 27, 2005 @ 00:33:28

    Ironic, isn’t it? My shortest review—and the most number of comments I’ve ever had on a post. There’s a lesson there somewhere.

  12. jedimacfan
    Nov 27, 2005 @ 03:25:08

    Just out of curiousity, what about the film warranted even half a BFG?

  13. UniversalHead
    Nov 27, 2005 @ 17:26:18

    I have to wrack my brain to think of anything good, to tell you the truth. The acting was woeful, the sets cheap, the plot derivative, the special effects dull. It’s just that I have to save that ‘perfect zero’ rating for something so execrably bad that it causes sanity loss.

  14. anaglyph
    Nov 27, 2005 @ 20:13:57

    Um, so, you still have sanity then…?
    Just saying…